I Feel Like Giving Up

So yesterday was my meeting with the Unitron rep. Spent about an hour with him and my audi (both of who are great) trying to get the unitron aids set to a comfortable level for me. Left there feeling pretty uncertain, just cannot seem to get the tinny/mechanical/high frequency sound to be gone and for it to be more natural. I do not feel as though I am hearing even close to the level I was with the Widex or with my current aids. I only wore the unitrons for a few hours before giving up. I was in tears pretty much all afternoon listening to how horribly distorted sounds were (dog barking sounded like a fucking alien), couldn't understand my husband or son, the volume was WAY lower than I am used to (when no one was specifically talking or making noise it sounded silent...not picking up the background sounds I want) and the background noise eliminator program is, ironically, terrible.

So I switched back to my Phonak Perseos and I am giving up for now. I just can't do it anymore. This is so fucking ridiculous that I cannot just GET WHAT I HAVE NOW!!!! Why would they stop making a hearing like what I have?? At this point I feel foolish for actually being hopeful that I might actually get something BETTER that would give me more freedom. Yeah right. At this point I would be happy to just have what I have now. I feel very risky running around without a back-up, especially now knowing that if they DO break, that's it for me.

I just keep thinking how totally and utterly unfair this is. Its bad enough that I have this disaility and problem and have to fucking deal with it, but now I can't even keep myself at the same level??? I don't even know where to go from here. My husband suggests I find a new audiologist or go somewhere bigger and maybe I should. My audi seems like she doesn't have THAT much experience with some of the newer aids, but she is always willing and accomodating to help me, get a rep in, get on the phone while trying to program me. I emailed my old audi, who works on a larger scale, and asked for guidance or advice what to do next. She had basically told me that I needed to give one of these new aids a several month trial in hopes that "it would sound more natural to you." She has always been one to push me towards new technology and a cochlear implant. (Side note: yeah right!! What if I hated the sound of the cochlear? I'd be screwed.)

I just don't know what to do. I refuse to accept that I cannot find a fucking hearing aid out there with the power of the Widex that also has a program for a background setting!!!! I mean, those aids with that program have been around for years!! How can they have just...eliminated them???